Do you ever dream of that perfect game night? When you and four of your closest writer friends sit down to play a game of Scrabble or Boggle or maybe Huggermugger?

Huggermugger?

Alright, I might be showing my age (and eccentricity) with Huggermugger, but I love word games!

If you follow me on Twitter, you know that I’ve launched a new iPhone app. It’s called WordFlipper and it’s sort of “Boggle meets Dance Dance Revolution with a Carnival Twist” though some people just skip the tongue-twister and call it fun.

During the launch, I’m offering WordFlipper for free so if you have an iPhone or iPod Touch now’s the time to nab it.

Getting back to word games, I’m going to open this post up to you: What are your favorite word games and why? I’ll ask the question on Twitter too and post the results back here.

NB: In case you’re wondering whether I’ve given up writing in exchange for making iPhone stuff the answer is no. Didn’t you read yesterday’s Morning Walks?

No, it’s not a beret, but it might as well be.

Now that I’m supposed to be a serious and devoted writer, I’m going to focus on writing only the most serious and dedicated of posts on the austere topic of the writing life.

Yeah, I’m not buying it either.

To those of you who worried that my change in status from employed dreamer with novelistic ambitions to gentleman of leisure and still-unpublished writer extraordinaire would somehow alter the content of this site, this post should put you at ease.

It’s a nice rambling post for a Sunday morning… Enjoy!

Yesterday, I was just signing off to spend some time with the Ann and Jeff VanderMeer’s excellent SF/F pirate anthology Fast Ships, Black Sails.

When I got a tweet from a fellow who used to work for me a long time ago. And, well, you know me…

One tweet leads to another and suddenly Dustin Wax of Writer’s Technology Companion gets in on the action:

And now I’m left with a rather interesting visual: Dustin’s singular, well-defined ab.

We can all laugh at the joke because writing, well… writing really isn’t a contact sport, now is it?

A Writer’s Ab(s)

No, there’s nothing I like more than sitting at the cafe, pecking away at the keyboard with a nice demitasse of espresso and a cinnamon roll decorating my little table. Yep.

So, the writing life doesn’t lend itself to keeping fit… or does it?

Below is a picture of Cory Doctorow and Jeff VanderMeer (swiped from Cory’s Flickr page). While these guys may not be in the next Calvin Klein skivvies poster shot on Times Square, they’re in pretty good shape for a pair of wordslingers.

[NB: Jeff, if you're stopping in you can thank me for retouching the original. ]

If you follow Jeff VanderMeer, you probably know that he does a bit of weightlifting. If you’re a long time reader of this blog, you know that I used to be a pretty avid runner.

I’m pointing this out, because part of focusing my life on writing is getting another shot at being healthy in every sense. When I was really running, I used to do 6 miles a day in about 30 minutes. For the non-runners, that’s pretty fast. Of course, I’m a long way from there today, but I’m committed to working my way back.

My wife and I just joined a new gym. She has a pretty amazing story of her own, which I’ll introduce in the not too distant future when we launch her blog. For the moment though, I’ll just pop in a promo video from the gym:

After just a few weeks (of less than regular attendance, but attendance nonetheless), I’m already feeling the benefits. I’m running at less than a third of my former pace, but I am running. I have more energy. I’m crackling with ideas and plans.

I feel more alive.

I’m always up for some reason not to be writing. Most of those reasons are a matter of simple avoidance or fear. However, working on my writer’s ab (singular) is one that I’m not willing to lump in with the rest. While the sedentary work of writing may not provide natural opportunities for exercise, working on the Writer’s Ab(s), is as vital as any other writing exercise.

YOUR TURN: How are you working your Writer’s Ab(s)? What advice do you have for others?

“Too long a sacrifice / Can make a stone of the heart.” ~ W.B. Yeats

On Sunday, I wrote about inspiration. I told you a story about a sunrise and the effect of spending time with someone who is pursuing their passion. When I finished writing that piece, I went off to my journal to think a bit more and I spent the next two hours immersed in the reality that yet another year has passed and I am only a wee bit closer to my own dream.

It must be that time of year because other writers are evaluating their lives, reaching out to their readers asking for stories of silent suffering, and making promises to be better. I value their words and their vision. I admire their strength.

When you start this journey, you may begin with an idea that your life is going to take a certain path. Of course, you learn quickly that life doesn’t quite work that way. There are responsibilities. There are things that need doing.

I italicize those points because they’re not my words. Oh, I’ve said them often enough – don’t think I haven’t – however, they are not words that belong to me. They are words that come from some other place and I’ve draped them over my shoulders to protect me from myself.

Does that sound strange to you or does it sound familiar?

Living up to the expectation of the expectations will kill you

I spend a great deal of time here talking about fear. The fear of writing. The fear of failing. The fear of success. The fear of disappointing others. What is it about that fear that drives you to wall yourself off from your desires? What causes you to drive yourself into the arms of fear instead of happiness?

Is it money? Is it security? Is it love? Or is it simply that you don’t want to be an embarrassment to others? You don’t want to let down the people who’ve come to depend on you?

These reasons are poor substitutes for happiness. At some point, you will realize that despite everything you have achieved in life you – if you have not followed your dream – you will have traded your heart for a coward’s death.

Few will remember how you died, but many will recall that you never lived

At one point in my life, I did what I wanted when I wanted and how I wanted. Life doesn’t really work that way now or rather I don’t let it work that way. Instead I allow life to work the way I believe others expect it to work. I am often embarrassed by who I am, because who I am does not fit the expectation.

In the past, this would be the point where I would enter a period of frenzied work to change everything in my world. I’d quit my job or try to start some new venture. I’d go to the store and get everything I needed to get “back to my diet”. I’d exercise… Eventually, though, the pressures of daily life would intrude and I wouldn’t be able to do that. I’d feel guilty or worried. Guilty about spending time on myself or worried that I wasn’t doing enough to feed the expectations.

In the end, I’d do everything except what I ought to be doing.
In the end, I’d throw up my hands.
In the end, I’d bail.

A life is created one day at a time

Neither the manic pursuit of life-altering change nor the wallowing in misery is particularly healthy. Lasting change comes as a result of a steady and even pursuit of passion. Just as finishing a book comes from the constant application of butt-in-chair and dedication to the story.

My life, pure and simple, is about writing and the written word. Writing is my passion. Stories are my soul’s desire. I write and there is nothing wrong with that.

I was reminded by a comment recently that inspirational pieces are often written as much for the writer as the audience. I have to agree. Most of the posts I write here are placeholders in the journal of my life, reminders of who I was on one particular day. I’d also like to think that by sharing such thoughts I build, however slowly, a life that is going in the right direction.

It may not seem like it by the tone today, but I do think it’s working.

As most of you know, I volunteered to write an ode for the winner of Daniel Smith’s Can You Put the Wit in Twitter contest, and I was quite pleased when my pal RhodesTer, aka Dave, was announced as the winner!

Here’s his winning tweet:

The lady at The Coffee Bean laughed at my joke when I ordered a “Synonym Roll”, and asked her if there was another word to describe it.

Priceless!

Coming up with the right tone for RhodesTer’s ode was a bit of a challenge. The title was simple enough, but the voice? What voice? Then I thought of all the surreal tweets RhodesTer’s made about his dreams and old Bill Lee crept in and sort of took over.

On the RhodesTer

to be read in the voice of William S. Burroughs

Image credit: Zen (Flickr)
This mime is not Jack Kerouac.

Had that dream again…
The one where a mime gets his own radio show
complete with a cast of thousands…
Along with the otters
and the accountants
in a room full of candles.
Johnny Depp played the butler,
while deep in the Palm Springs night,
a little dog barked
till RhodesTer comes knocking.
Some way for dogs to rule the earth.

Coffeesister says,
“Dave, never David,
went from being seen and not heard
to heard and not seen.”

Had to be a great 18 years for them so far.

Even Shadowsillybutt gets a cameo
because broadcasting cats
isn’t just for breakfast anymore.
It’s what everyone does
with a new webcam.
Is that why Tommy Smothers says you’re funny?
I wonder what Gwyneth Paltrow would say.

And then,
way
  way
    down
at the bottom of the page…
RhodesTer has the nerve to ask,
“Why are you looking WAY DOWN HERE?”

Well, I’ll tell you Dave,
I’m looking for the free cheese that goes on my damn fish sandwich
and you moved it.
Don’t tell me Angelina
made off with it in the shaving cream-filled Miata either,
because I saw you riding side saddle on that Nighthawk,
Mr. Breeze.
I want my cheese.
All of it.
I’ve had a few beers already,
so don’t make me put you on the company computer.

Daniel Smith (aka @smithereensblog on Twitter) is running a great new Twitter contest:

Write your best example of witty wordplay in 140 characters or less and post it on Twitter to enter, then drop the link along with the full-text into the comments below (but be sure to read the 5 rules at the bottom of this post first!)

And because Daniel’s a great guy, I thought I’d help him out with a one-of-a-kind prize!

Let yourself be pampered by the poetic prowess of How Not To Write’s Jamie Grove, who has kindly offered to write an Ode to the winner and post it on his blog (along with a link to your blog if you have one.) Take a look at the one he wrote recently for James Chartrand at the Men With Pens blog, and let me know if this should remain filed here under awards or if I should create another category for cruel and unusual punishment. At Smithereens, the readers decide!

Ok, admittedly this is not much of a prize. After I wrote my Ode to Good King James Chartrand of Men with Pens, most of the comments agreed with Daniel’s statements above. However, there are plenty of other great prizes you may actually want.

Can You Put the Wit in Twitter? – Rules, Prizes and More!

P.S. The contest ends 7 pm EST on Wednesday June 18th so hurry!

Even though I’ve written two novels, I’m amazed when people write and ask me about writing. After all, my is site called How Not to Write and both of the aforementioned novels were absolutely dreadful. Still, I’m flattered and I think it’s fun to connect with other writers. I also enjoy sharing what I’ve learned pecking around these last 20 years or so (even if it’s not worth all that much).

Image credit: Gonzalo Barrientos (Flickr)

But last week something odd happened… A famous, or rather infamous, blogging entity wrote and asked my advice about writing.

Anyway, as I would with anyone, I decided to answer the query as best as I could. After sending my reply, I found out that the entity is not infamous as a joke. It’s a professional vocation.

I’ve been sitting on this for awhile, letting the whole thing settle. I’m not going to name names, but I liked my email so much I thought I’d share it with everyone (after making it anonymous and doing a little formatting).

It’s a little sassy, because the entity is sassy. Hopefully someone will actually get some use out of this.

How to Write a Book… Or Not

No imposition at all. I’m happy to help…

Writing a book isn’t all that different from blogging. Each day you piece a little bit together. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, but either way wanting to do it doesn’t get the posts up. Wanting to write a book doesn’t get it written.

So the first thing is in order to write a book you need to write the book. I like Charlie Stross’ thought on this:

“You eat or starve on the basis of your ability to put your bum in a
chair and write. BIC or die, that’s the first rule. Lifestyle issues
come a distant second.”

Of course, this doesn’t tell you how to start, so it has the distinct advantage of being both profound and shitty advice.

What I’ve learned by observing other writers is that no one has a clue how to do this thing called writing a book. Everyone is winging it. There are formulas of course and if you’re going for formula fiction you just pull one off the shelf and start filling in the gaps. But you’re not doing formula fiction, right?

Of course not. You already have the story and you already have the name. So let’s begin again…

The first rule of writing a book is to have fun, and I don’t mean having fun like riding ponies at your fifth birthday party. I mean having fun like flirting with someone at a bar or skiing down a black diamond run. Writing a book is a tough slog day in and out. You’d better make sure it’s fun for you or you’ll burn out.

The second rule of writing a book is to have a plan. I just knocked the formula thing, but in truth you need a plan. Some writers like to plan out every little bush and shrub. To me, that’s boring as hell. I like the idea of a rough sketch, just big blocks of, “This happens, then this happens, and oh, this happens next.”

The point is to get the big ideas down in a way that you can shuffle them about until they look right. After that you go back and start tidying up. Some writers use index cards to do it. That’s how Nabokov did it, and things worked out pretty good for him.

The third rule of writing a book is to keep it to yourself. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve killed perfectly good stories and novels by showing them off too soon. Even worse is talking about the damned things. Once you’ve let the cat out of the bag, you’d rather kill it than try to get it back in. Part of the thrill of writing a book (see fun back at #1) is knowing you have something that no one else has seen yet. This is what will keep you going.

Finally, the fourth rule of writing a book is to sit down and write. Even if all you do is write nonsense to begin with, just keep going. Write faster if you can. Will Self is an advocate of this method. I’ve found that if I stop looking at the screen and just focus on the keys that my fingers eventually find the groove and I write some amazing stuff or at least I stop being so self-conscious, which may be all you really need).

Ok, I could probably write another half dozen rules here, but this is a good start. Don’t let doubt get in the way. (rule 5?).

I hope this has been of some help. Write back if you need more. I find that swift kicks and kind words are good for writing books if doled out in equal measure.

Why Bother? Because This Isn’t About Me.

As is par for the course, the entity sent me a rather patronizing note. No biggie, since I have no real idea of what I’m doing. I’m very up front about that. Again, why else would I have a site called How Not To Write?

So why bother with the cranks? Because this site isn’t all about me. It’s about helping others by sharing what I know.

I received an email from an interesting fellow not long ago. He promised a sort of writing elixir (I’m not making this up), not the sort you drink with the mouth but with the mind. I told him to bring it on and he did. Some people I know thought he was crazy, a loon. And they were right…

Yet, as it turns out, I’ve enjoyed his work and look forward to the next installment. I learned the hard way that crazy is sometimes where the greatest truths lie though you might need to dig through the weeds a bit.

We’re all working to do the best we can. I’m no different from anyone else in this regard. I write because I enjoy writing. I share what I’ve learned during the process because that’s all that I have if nothing else.

Those of you who follow me on Twitter, may know that I promised to write an ode to the magnificence of Good King James Chartrand of Men with Pens.

So, without further ado, here is my song. Make of it what you will. I hope you enjoy it.

An Ode to Good King James Chartrand

– with apologies to Harry, Harrison MacLeod and to poetry in general.

Samuel de Champlain, Father of New France [not Good King James Chartrand]

At crack-a-dawn
from old Quebec,
missives begin to fly.
Betwixt the bits
to far and wide,
the ink-fueled reign
of Good King James Chartrand
continues on in style.

The kingdom of
our Good King James Chartrand
begins with Men with Pens [dot-ca if you please not com]
and stretches to the niebu hordes
who dwell in twitterdom.
And let’s not forget
his generous
contributions across the Net,
like copyblogger and the rest
I would have shared
had rhyme and meter
not failed the test.

But Lo! [You have no idea how long I've wanted to say that in a post.]

Those bonhomie sites
know who they are
and swell with pride to serve
the legend of Good King James Chartrand
who shines on them
in return…

As if this were not enough, [and apparently isn't...]
the Royal hands
of Good King James Chartrand
are blessed with magic skills.
Measuring his posts alone
and the rate at which
they suddenly appear,
we watch in awe
then cheer the King
as he somehow finds more time
for comments, quips, and tweets.

Yet still the saga does not end! [I know. I know. I know.]

For what wisdom flows
between the banks
of the King’s precious prose!
Honest views!
Suggestions bold and true!
The oldest writing lore made new!
All from the desk of Good King James Chartrand,
the source that knows no end!

So rejoice with me! [Yes, I'm almost done.]

To scribblers one and all!
Raise your pens
with this poor bard,
and swear this oath
to our Good King James Chartrand!

“Never shall we unsubscribe
from the feed of Good King James Chartrand.

And always shall we spread his word
by Digg and Sphinn and Stumble!”

Happy Niebuday!

For those of you following the saga of my long bout with a old story, I’m pleased to announce that I’ve finished said story and it’s ready for a final proof.

The Six Reasons to Finish My Story really helped me get focused on pushing to the finish line and putting the tale to rest. I have no idea if it’s a good story, but it’s done and I’m happy.

Now, if you thought I was having a hard time of it, you should check out this post by Crawford Kilian about Getting Over Writer’s Block:

Well, I’ve certainly written myself into some blind alleys. About 40 years ago I was on fire to write an SF novel. I bashed out about 100 pages and stopped dead. It took me almost a decade to get a grip and finish the novel, which was published in 1978.

Kilian’s recommendation are fantastic. I highly recommend that folks drop by and take a look. Here are several ways I try to use writer’s block to fuel my work.

How I Use Writers Block

1. I get angry.

Not finishing something is incredibly frustrating. I usually go through stages of denial, anger, acceptance, anger… Did I say anger?

Anger seems to be the one emotion that really pushes me over the edge and forces me back to the keyboard. Writing angry gets me to toss out all of the garbage between me and the story. Eventually, I run out of steam and then the story becomes quite clear. The stuff that comes out of angry writing sessions is hardly usable, but that’s not the point. The point is that I get past whatever it is that is holding me back.

2. I write another story.

Technically, this is still writer’s block. However, the block that occurs on story A may open up a new angle on story B. If I can’t get angry about a story that’s stalled, I set it aside and try to keep moving forward.

3. I open up to others.

Writer’s block tends to be a lonely affair, but there is nothing wrong with asking for help. The opinions of others can be very useful in working through the block. They may not lead me in the right direction but often I get to talking about the story in an objective manner and suddenly I’m at the same place I would have gone if I’d gotten angry.

4. I write blog posts like this one.

Again, trying to get past a block is often about losing yourself in some activity or another. I’ve found that dropping out to write posts is helpful. At the moment, I’m not really suffering a true block on anything in particular…

[sigh] No, I’m afraid it isn’t true. I’m blocked on something I really want to get back to and finish. It’s a YA novel I started in 2006. I was writing this book for my son and I ended up writing myself into a bit of a corner. Rather than work through it, I set it aside and haven’t gone back. Beating the crap out of myself hasn’t helped much on this one and neither has working on other stories.

5. I learn to love what I write.

While forcing myself through a block often gets the work done, the best route through the block is and has always been embracing stories with my entire being. I can’t be afraid of how good the story might be or how much it means to me. I have to love the story as one would love a child. And just like raising children, I have to accept that my role is getting the story to the point where it can stand on its own and I, like a proud parent, can marvel at the direction the story goes on its own.

Skrivtips is a Swedish blog about writing, and apparently (according to my translation), I’m very readable there:

Bloggen How Not To Write handlar om trots allt om att skriva och skrivprocessen. Mycket läsvärd.

All I have to say about that is, “Tack så hemskt mycket! Du måste komma tillbaka snart igen!”

In my ever-expanding quest to keep myself so busy that I can’t work on my next story, I present to you the writerly musings of others from around the web this week (or so):

[P.S. Interested in getting into my feed reader? Put a comment on this post along with your URL. I'll add the lot and look for writerly goodness on your site!]

Over on Susan Henderson’s LitPark, Anthony Miller went crazy and posted a massive interview with Steve Erickson.

Dustin gave HNTW a plug on The Writer’s Technology Companion. I feel like I’m in some pretty illustrious company. Check it out! 22 Blogs Every Writer Should Read. Thanks, Dustin! More feeds for the mill!

Interesting list of notable books from the New York Public Library on the new Poets & Writer’s site. What’s interesting though is that I haven’t read a single book on the list (it’s all about me, right)… What have I been reading?

Need a name for a new character? John August points us toward unled, a no frills name generator that uses U.S. Census Data. Very cool and kinda scary. (p.s. John got the link from kottke)

Nalo Hopkinson gave us these words of wisdom about getting the story DOWN:

Writing words is just writing words. Once I have it written, I can ask a few patient somebodies to read it and tell me what doesn’t ring true for them.

Jeff VanderMeer Matt Staggs interviews Ann VanderMeer. I am really excited about the release of STEAMPUNK! Have you checked out Weird Tales lately? Ann is the fiction editor.

For the “grammarians,” we have The Blog of Unnecessary Quotation Marks. Super funny. Thanks, Irreverent Freelancer!

The Writing Journey has two three good posts on the difference between writing for the Internet and writing for print. Very active comments too:

Bridging the Great Divide Between Print and Internet Writing
Why Real Writers Don’t Write on the Internet
Why the Internet is the Perfect Market for Writers