Can you come and leave a question like this every day?

The direct confrontation of failure is a core aspect of my personality. The root of this confrontation is the absolute rejection of non-action. I simply cannot fail to act in the face of something that needs doing/correcting (such as editing this sentence).

And yet, I obsess over my failures or, as you put it so well, feed the dogs eating my soul.

I learned to obsess over failure in the most common way: I grew up in a family that was ambivalent about success. Doing well wasn’t a cause for celebration or even kind interest. It was an opportunity to mock and make light of that success. Failure on the other hand was met with a very sharp tongue.

As a result, I’ve acquired some rather nasty skills. Thankfully, my exuberant nature is good at suppressing them when dealing with others. I just haven’t quite got the knack of keeping the dark light off of myself.

You have gone to some effort to create this site and this stream of examination which argues that this topic is quite important to you and that you are actively working on it. Failure is a really challenging issue, like a gouge to the core of self esteem and its probably fair to generalize and say that everyone confronts it but most people do so in a less frontal or more hidden way. You have chosen to take it on by the horns which again argues that it is *for you* a large issue.

I won’t presume to ‘guess’ at your personal history beyond complimenting you for your determination to engage this topic in a transparent way. Failure or our concept of personal value based on measuring systems is a large part of our cultural disempowerment mechanism - when or as we grapple with the dogs eating our soul we will take back the parts of ourselves we allow failure to feed on and in the process truly move more directly toward our personal potentials.

My only suggestion for you might be to ask yourself questions like - where and when did I learn to think what I think about failure and does that underlying meaning remain valid for me today and if not why am I allowing it to inform my life today.

I will now butt back out

I have a few friends who are into SF. One in particular would be an awesome editor. They all provide great feedback.

That said, there is definitely truth to what you say about provoking irritation in service to myself. I tried to make light of it later on, explaining that people are entitled to their own opinions, but really it’s all about me.

This site in general is a bit of a wasteland, celebrating and joking about failure. Just look at the post I put up tonight. It’s about quantifying failure, and while some people might think it’s cute, I suppose it’s really more sad than anything else.

I know that isn’t the point of your comment either. Hopefully others who come across my post will see the errors of their own ways.

Not really sure what I’m going to do yet myself, but it’s definitely something to think about long and hard.

If her opinion is never acquired because bias is engaged prior to the delivery of story then what you are enlisting is a form of pre-emptory rejection. Move on.

Share with your wife the things you both care about and appreciate - this isn’t one of them.

If you don’t have a set of beta readers - find some - people who DO appreciate SF and who will be able to give you a solid opinion on your work’s issues. It is perfectly reasonable to have different people in your life who meet different needs - it isn’t cheating or something. The person you love should not be expected to be expected to salve every nook and cranny.

And take a look at how a known negative jives with what is happening with your writing - sometimes we carry these screwy little messages about everything we do is crap - when it isn’t - but we seek that out because it is what we were taught to believe - and that was a cognitive error.